i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
