I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
