When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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