Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
