You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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