I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
