i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
