Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
