Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
