I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
