I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
