No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
