imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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