Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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