Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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