so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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