There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
