So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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