I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
