Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
