The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
