Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
