Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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