i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
