I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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