I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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