suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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