She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
