so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
