just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
