I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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