ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
