I cannot find my penis.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
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