I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
