You're my little dorito
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
