i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
