We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
