He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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