1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
