Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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