My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
