Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
