Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
