Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
