I hate all girls vehemently.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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