Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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