I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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