my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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