Don't make out with my wife yet
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
