no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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