You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
