you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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