It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
